I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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