happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
