my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It was confusing and full of hummus
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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