I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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