I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
