OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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