Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He did a backflip because drugs
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
