this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
