Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
