there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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