So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
