a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
