we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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