we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
