Welp...herpes.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
