Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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