i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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