we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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