Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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