my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
