just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
