Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I didn't shave. On purpose
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
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