You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
