I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
