I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
