we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
do herpes really smell.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
