there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
