If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
