you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
