I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
