I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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