That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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