The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
