Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
