I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
