I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
