Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
