just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
