Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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