"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
