dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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