Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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