There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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