Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
