Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
did i just pee glitter
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
