I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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