Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
