where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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