I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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