Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
