yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
