She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
