I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
