ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
