whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
